a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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