it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
