i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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