I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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