he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
