how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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