He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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