alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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