a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
