just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We need to get me chipped asap
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
