Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i think i just lost a toe
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
