I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
