this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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