I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
