I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
What should our trivia night team be named?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED