Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
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Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
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Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?