I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.