i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
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You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
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He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"