if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?