3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.