i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend