i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
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how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
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She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.