Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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