i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good