He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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