She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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