Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I will be naked everywhere
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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