woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
