i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
