believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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