if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
