my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
