Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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