That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
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Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
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I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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