Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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