11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
