a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
