i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
