dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
This show inspires me to have sex in space
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
