my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
