i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
