I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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