Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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