And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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