if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
