I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize