you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
