what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
