I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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