it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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