So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I could have mohawked her pubes.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
