Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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