I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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