So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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