Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
