Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
