that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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