It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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