So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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