OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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