Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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