Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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