I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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