I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
