thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
