pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
