Come see our sink grown plant.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
