In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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