we have pet lesbian snakes
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
