I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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