So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
