Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
