I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The best revenge is premature balding
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
