all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
