I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
