would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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