i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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