he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
