Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
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